Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Nicest Breakup, With Some Ups and Downs

As I mentioned in other posts, my boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. It's amazing that it has been two weeks. Overall, it has been a nice breakup. I've had my moments of sadness and anger, which is normal. We've talked almost every day. For some relationships it doesn't work, but I think it works for us so far. We have a dog; both of us love him way too much so I wasn't about to take the dog away from him. He comes over to play with the dog while I'm at work, which I appreciate because then the dog isn't home alone all day. We aim to remain friends, one day even hanging out. I think I'm fine with seeing him, he is still not sure. It's just one day at a time. I still feel like I have some attachment or possessive feelings, but overall, I know I don't want to date him again. I'm a control freak and want things a certain way, so the most difficult part has been wanting to talk when he doesn't want to. I had a few rough nights because I got angry and took it out on him, but we get past it. Ultimately, we are friends and we want to stay that way.

Last weekend, I was in California for my sister's bridal shower and a wedding, on the same day. It was great to be with my friends and family five days after a breakup, but under the circumstances, it was also incredibly difficult. On Saturday, after the wedding, I fell into bed (well, air mattress on the floor of my dad's office) but couldn't sleep. I realized that I do want a relationship and I do want a family. In a moment of panic, I went on and created a profile. I don't want to pay for a subscription at this point, partially because I'm not ready to be in a relationship (soon though), also because I'm cheap. I briefly met a friend of a friend about six months ago and he later texted her to tell her that I am "really cute." She just now told me, so she wants us to go out with his friends some time. I don't want to meet guys in bars anymore, but who knows what can happen. I'm going to lay low and figure things out. I know that the future may be difficult, as I will have some baggage. But, I just need to find someone who is confident and secure with himself. The evenings are strangely lonely, but I'm surviving. This was my first weekend alone at the house. Luckily a good friend from high school lives in Phoenix now as well, so we did dinner/drinks yesterday and lunch today. Life moves on. One day at a time.

And here's a photo from the wedding. I was at a table of couples (except Andrea and I. She's in the gray). And then came match.

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